Shadowlol, a blogger at gameriot posted an article talking about how to survive the internet flames which is very nice reading. You know sometimes we didn't mean to start the flame war, but once the flames come to you, how to react is really a big question. Here is his article:

People often send emails and rather graphic private messages proclaiming their love for me and seeking advice. One question that crops up more often than not is, Shadow, how is it possible for one man to contain such inhuman levels of both awesome and win, all the while maintaining such an impressively sized penis? To which I respond… well, no, I have yet to respond. You see responses – at least those which relate in any way to the question posed – are for the weak and chromosomally challenged (more on that later).

It may surprise you to learn that Shadow is not in fact my screenname IRL, it may surprise you further to learn that mosquitoes are attracted to people who have recently eaten bananas. You see I like to keep my interwebz persona separate from my day-to-day persona in much the same way as I like to keep my toilet separate from my bed. One is the place for furious and rampant sex with multiple partners, the other is for sleeping. The internet is a dangerous place filled to the brim with paedophiles, rapists, murderers and WoW enthusiasts. There will come a time when you, innocent and naively minded as you are, enter a discussion with an anonymous party, perhaps about which Pokémon card is currently most attractive, not appreciating the Internet’s effortless ability to distribute cans of offensive, filth-ridden ass-juice to anyone in the immediate area within seconds.

Of-course, the natural response when insulted in a public place such as the local Pokémon convention hall is to question the attacker’s motives and provide evidence that you are not infact a tapeworm infested cat sexing homophobe in an attempt to show your assailant the error of his (or her, or his pretending to be her) ways. This of course rarely works, and on the odd occasion when you are successful there is always a 3^rd party at hand, armed with a megaphone, ready to tell the tale of your homoerotic roleplayed argument-turned-lovefest.

Survival in this harsh reality, as in the real world, is of the fittest (or as they are more commonly known, fattest). Luckily there are bronze-gods such as myself, willing to pass down hard-earned information on how to quickly dispatch a potential wenemy (web-enemy) and win the praise of your adoring peers waiting at the edge of their seats in anticipation to see who will emerge from the confrontation victorious!

First things first, you’ll need an opponent. If you are not already engaged in a debate of some kind you’ll need to find a forum. WoWRiot denizens usually keep their posts full of grammatical errors (you’ll need these later) and controversy. The OP (original phallus) of your chosen thread is hereinafter known as your wenemy (web-enemy).

First impressions are often the most valuable so it is up to you to deliver the most devastating of blows from the get-go. For best results, try to choose a thread where the general tone is friendly and easy-going, allowing your unexpected attack to deal the most damage. This is known as traversing the mood gradient, where mood is rated on a scale of 1 to 10. Butthurt is best administered along the path of most resistance, so if you enter a thread where the mood level is at 1 (iloveponieslolxDxDxD) and you crank it all the way up to 10 (******LPHLEGM) your wenemy will be left standing (to prevent butthurt sores) for days.

How you go about dispensing your initial dose of butthurt is completely up to you. One popular method is to dismantle the OP’s post into bitesize chunks, no more than a sentence or two and look for faults in his grammar and the literal meaning of obscure words. If none are to be found you can always make up irrelevant analogies such as “saying A is B is like saying Y is Z”. For best results keep A and B as direct quotes and make Y and Z as ridiculous and abstract as possible.

Now that you have initiated formalities the real debate can begin.

There are a number of awesome techniques (or Logical Fallacies) I have learned over the years which I use regularly to my advantage. Do not be dismayed by the lengthy names, I only add them here in case you wish to do further research

1 – Ad Hominem: attacking the opponent rather than attacking the opponent’s argument. There is quite a hullaballoo on the old worldwideweb about the distinction between calling people names as a method of refuting their arguments, and calling people names in addition to refuting their arguments. I personally use both at every opportunity, but others are a little more anal. Claiming for instance that your wenemy provides oral pleasure to mutated spider-monkeys and thus he is wrong – that is bad. Saying instead that your wenemy provides oral pleasure to mutated spider-monkeys AND he is wrong, well that’s okay by anyone’s standards.

2 – Begging the Question: also known as using the wrong phrase, because no-one anywhere ever uses Begging the Question correctly. You can use this to your advantage because when you use the phrase, nobody can contradict you. Ever. Say for instance that they claim drinking stagnant water is detrimental to the health of Africans, you can respond with “THAT’S BEGGING THE QUESTION!”

“how can you be so ignorant?”

“THAT’S BEGGING THE QUESTION!”

“erm… you’re just repeating the same thing over and ov…”

“THAT’S BEGGING THE QUESTION!”

If you find yourself on the receiving end of this crazyawesome argument, the only way to get out of the infinite loop is to say these words exactly: “the next person who says “THAT’S BEGGING THE QUESTION!” is gay.” – in fear of being outted over the internet your wenemy will be forced to find a less awesome method of response.

3 – False Dichotomy: this is when you give your opponent two choices when there are in fact many many more. For instance, people may say that there are two states of being: alive and dead, ignoring the extremely important 3^rd state otherwise known as Zombie. Or they may claim that you either believe in evolution or you believe in God, ignoring the very real possibility that you may be a Zombie.

4 – Strawman Fallacy: this is where your opponent attacks an argument that isn’t the argument you are actually making, most likely because your argument was so full of win that if they were responding to anything you were saying – they’d be agreeing with you! So for instance saying that dust mites are flesheating hybrids which when found in dust-free environments cling to human hairs, bore through your eardrum and lay eggs in your brain, if someone responds by saying “I don’t mean to be rude, but I think dust mites are pretty docile creatures” you can respond by saying “STRAW MAN! I’m not talking about pretty docile creatures, I’m talking about DUST MITES!!!” Always a winner.

Any argument, big or small, can be won by the appropriate implementation of these four techniques. If you were looking to vastly improve your overall win percentage then you need not read any further. 

If however, you wish to completely humiliate your wenemy and reduce the chance he will ever post again; there are a few more clever methods, or art forms, I could teach you.

Let’s first of all address your defence. Addressing it later on will not be an issue because every master debater knows to never, under any circumstance, attempt to defend what they have previously said. Defending yourself is a weak act of desperation which informs everyone listening in that you are open to attack. Instead you must relentlessly attack despite any erroneous or completely invalid statements you may of made in the past, effectively keeping your wenemy on their toes.

Going back to your earlier statement about flesh eating dust mites, if your opponent says “Are you sure? From where did you get that information? Because I heard they are fairly docile creatures”

Wrong response – “I heard from my friend who says he’s an expert on bugs and ****”

Right response – “uhhh no u dumb ****tard u dnt no wat u talkin bout get out of ur moms basement nerd!”

Best response – “THAT’S BEGGING THE QUESTION ALSO I’LL KILL UR MOM IRL”

If you seem to be losing the debate (almost impossible at this stage) there are still ways to make a come-back.

Grouping your opponents into large collectives and giving them striking names such as “Obama-lovers” or “The Media” or “WoW enthusiasts” will set an early foundation for attack. Then later on when you are running out of things to say you can always bring up some less-intelligent quotes previously made by other members of their group to re-refute. 

As your wenemy brings up more and more relevant issues you must remember; never be duped into addressing them. Instead bring up some of your own impossible issues for them to resolve and state that they are merely trolling when they cannot find an answer. If they pursue their questions tirelessly you must – out of the blue – claim that you are an expert in whatever field they are talking about and that you see it as a waste of time to even talk about the subject with those who are less-informed. Then make a comment about the public school system. 

When backed into a corner (again impossible at this stage) with no sign of winning, there is one last sure-fire way to come out on top with the most impressively sized penis.

I call it the Gobstopper (no particular reason). It may seem slightly backwards, and goes against most other teachings, which is why you must save it for absolute last. The trick is to assert that everything you have said before is just your opinion and that everybody is entitled to one. You must make yourself magnanimous by being the first to suggest both parties agree to disagree all the while unleashing a barrage of assault, accusing your wenemy of suppressing your rights to expression. It is at this point you use the most secret of all secretly kept debating terms. “Hitler”. 

Returning to the thread after applying the Gobstopper is not necessary, any further replies will be from your adoring fans who have been following intently and nothing relevant to the subject will ever be mentioned ever again. You may take a bow

If you enjoy the read, digg the original article here, let more people read it :-)