The other day, there was this discussion about gear in my guild, which went on for quite some time. Some really interesting points were raised and got me pretty much imagining the possibilities and situations different armor wearers face all the time. Below is sort of a transcript of what a guild discussion could really be like...

Mage: Yo!

Guildies: Sup man.

Warrior: Hey, what happened to your clothes, man?

Mage: Ahh that makes me mad, I tried to farm a little today, but a alliance rogue crept up to me and tried to gank me. I kicked his ass of course, but he left holes in my robes. See? *shows his torn and tattered robes to everyone* Now I have to bring it to the smithy to repair it. And he's not the most skillful tailor. After a few repairs, it looks much worse than before. And eventually, wearing this after a few repairs will make me look like some homeless dude. I had someone pass me a few pieces of silver and ask me to use it to buy something decent to wear once. And did I tell you, this red robe I'm wearing used to be white? I shouldn't have never washed it with my underwear...

Rogue: At least your robes are washable. My leather gear is nigh unwashable! Look at this stain. *points to a discoloured patch on his chestpiece* I accidentally spilled some ale onto it a month ago and it's here! I've tried many ways to get rid of it but it's still there. And after all the use it's been through, you have perspiration, blood and god knows what soaked into it. People can smell you a mile away. And whatever gets on there, stays there, and take a life of it's own. Sometimes you have stuff growing on it too. I swear that there are things living in my leather armor. I'm itching almost all the time. My entire leather armor set feels like a small eco-system already. And I'm not a druid!

Shaman: Ha! You had it easy. Have you ever suffered the indignity and shame of being attacked and killed by pigeons?

Mage: How the... what...?

Shaman: Once I made the mistake of leaving mana biscuit crumbs within the links of my mail armor. Once I walked by this park, and a whole bunch of lvl 1 pigeons mobbed me.

Everyone: WHAT?

Shaman: You heard me right. They mobbed the living daylights out of me. First there were only a few, and I shooed them away, then more and more came. Hundred more came and eventually they overwhelmed me. In the end I was killed. Every time I tried to revive, they chased me down and killed me again. Damn pigeons camped me for hours. I have gotten corpse camped before, but never have I been camped by foes I have absolutely no chance of beating. After that, I totally abstained myself from eating crusty food. You know which kinds of food are crusty? The best kinds! *sobs uncontrollably*

Warrior: I sympathize with you buddy, but Plate wearers don't fare much better either. You know the tank's motto of “First in, Last out”? Putting on plate armor is not easy you know. Needs a lot of time. I sleep much less than any of you. Everyday, I'll be up earlier than anyone of you, just to put on my armor and sleep later, because I have to take them off. And it sucks most when you need to go to the bathroom too. And I mean NEED. These plate armor may look good now, its because you need to put in a lot of time to oil it to prevent it from rusting. Once I had a low level warlock cast Immolate on me, and he killed me, because he lit up the oil based polish I use. And do you know how painful it is to have an erection when you are wearing tight, epic level plate pants?.

Shaman: You seem to be doing ok though, since you put out a little room for your plate pants. *points at a small bulge at the Warrior's plate pants*.

Warrior: Nah... I didn't. I just let it be. I guess my little friend prefers more room too! *smug look*

Rogue: Wait. You mean, you punched a bulge... in your epic level plate pants... with your erection?

Warrior: Yup. *looking more smug than ever*

*Long awkward silence*

 

*Rogue, Mage, and Shaman in unison*: Freak.