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Review: Dragonball Evolution (contains spoilers)
Category: Default Game: All games Posted on Mar 22, 2009 9:13 pm
Review: Dragonball Evolution (contains spoilers)
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SPOILER ALERT: This article may contain excerpts, events or situations that can reveal information about the movie’s content. If you do not want to be spoiled, please close this window now. Otherwise, go on reading. You have been warned.
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More than a year ago, the world was shocked to see leaked pictures of what seemed to be a live-action film Hollywood adaptation of the famous anime series, Dragonball. Many had hoped to dispel the news as mere rumor or a failed attempt at Photoshop. But the constant stream of leaked photos and the eventual revelation of the Dragonball film only spurred more anger and negative feedback, perhaps even a source of satirical commentary. A small number of fans held back their comments and angst, clinging to that small glimmer of hope that the film adaptation would be an unimaginable success.
The Ballistic Story
An alien named Piccolo ravaged the land 2000 years ago and was eventually sealed by a bunch of monks. For whatever reason, Piccolo is once again free and is after the seven Dragonballs, capable of granting the collector a wish. The fate of the world is now in the hands of a high school kid named Goku, and his merry adventurers.
No Balls At All
Otakus, fans, kids, families, film critics… or just about everyone who saw Dragonball had their suspicions right. There were two words to describe the movie: EPIC FAIL. It was clearly a studio’s greedy attempt, solely relying on the famous anime title as their means of attracting viewers.
Everything about Dragonball Evolution failed miserably. What seemed to be the most important factor for a movie’s success, the story proved to be the worst thing since Stephanie Meyer. There were more questions than answers in the script. A lot of material from the original Dragonball anime and manga were lifted off and unintelligibly pasted. The result? Trash. Nothing in the story is explained. Events just happen, like Piccolo’s release from his seal or Goku’s appointment as the “savior of the world.” Assuming you’re someone without any knowledge of Dragonball’s famous existence, you’ll find yourself continually asking the why’s and how’s. And even if you’re one of the hardcore Dragonball fans, you’d still be asking the same thing. Characters are just caught up in a wild goose chase and sort of allowed themselves to go with the flow.
A Load of (Dragon)Bull
If you think the characters were the saving grace in this downward spiral, think again. Like the story, the characters appear out of nowhere. Our eponymous hero, Goku, is a high school guy learning kung fu at his grandfather Gohan’s house. Then, Chichi comes along, who is coincidentally also a martial artist. And like the original series, Goku and Chichi have this lovey-dovey thing going on. Bulma pops out like a genie some time after Goku sets out on his epic journey, with, COINCIDENTALLY, a Dragonball radar at hand. Yamcha eventually appears in the desert a bit later in the movie and joins their merry band for… well… the heck of it. Yamcha fans will be sorely disappointed, since the movie counterpart seemed like an extra. Doesn’t everything seem to fall into place for Goku? You can ask the same thing for our infamous Piccolo. He gets released, suddenly has a shapeshifting henchwoman, gathers up the Dragonballs successfully, gains his 15 minutes of fame, and eventually gets defeated. Okay, that last part was for Goku…
The actors were trying hard to portray their roles close to the original as possible. However, it was more like “impossible.” Emily Rossum looked like she was forced to read her lines. Justin Chatwin posed and poised as “Goku-like” as possible, but only got to the looks of a constipated hero. Joon Park looked stressed, lacking sleep and water, or just plain drunk. And Chow Yun Fat tried to mirror Master Roshi, and he did so, but he wasn’t that convincing.
The Legend is Lifeless
Arguably the best parts of the movie were the “Oozaru” form of Goku and the legendary Kamehameha. Biases aside, these two scenes gave the most excitement and anticipation. And it stops there. Goku’s monkey form was nothing more than a 30-second CG ape humanoid ripped off from Planet of the Apes. He doesn’t increase in size or weight, his clothing stays intact, and he doesn’t go on a murderous rampage. Justin Chatwin’s Kamehameha chant was a laughable western rendition mixed with a tone of teen angst. The blast effect was pretty much the typical CG and still pales in comparison to the original anime effect.
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Screencap taken from the game adaptation, but what you see here is what you get in the movie too.
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As the credits rolled by, you’ve just wasted an hour and a half’s time of your life, and it’s that time of time-wasting that you wished never happened. In reiteration, you’ll come to realize Dragonball Evolution was the worst thing since Twilight or 9/11 or the birth of Hitler (and yes I’m exaggerating). It is a rundown movie with a script formed by gluing rejects from the paper shredder bin, and acting so bad that it insults the original characters. Fans of the series would wish for the Kamehameha to hit the people responsible for this distasteful treat. For those new to the Dragonball fare, it will be sad to see them generalize the movie with the original series. Dragonball Evolution is a total disaster.
And yes, the movie ending has hints for a sequel…
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