Here is a transcript of a new game annoucement, called Online™, enjoy!

Ladies and Gentlemen, I would like to introduce a game that would be THE game of the year. In fact, I am so confident in it, that I would say that it would be THE game of the century.

So, please sit back, and enjoy the nice cold glass of banana milk sitting on your arm rests.

The History

As we all know, MMOs have had quite a long history. But for the sake of the newcomers, let me give a brief history.

The genre gained definition ever since men have learnt to draw. Because, we all know, that drawing an imaginary universe, with imaginary characters, is the first stepping stone of an MMO.

Moving on, we had Pong, which, while many believed to be a game played against a friend or the computer, was actually networked over your power sockets. However, as many people know, it was a then top secret project by the Military to find the most alert and strategic people to be placed in real warfare situations.

Fast forward a few decades, we now have, what I would simply call, "Online™ ".

ONLINE™

It's Bold

Why did we decide to just call it Online™ , as opposed to a name followed by the word "online"? We felt, that our game was so encompassing, so big, that no name would do it justice.

Online™ has no quelms about standing up against it's competitors World of Warcraft, Aion and Hello Kitty Online. Blending Fantasy, Reality and Sci Fi into one cute genre, it is set to swing it's hammer into the competition. Yes, I will say it, Online™ will be the killer of all the above game.

No seriously. How else can I prove my point by introducing the Prestige Limited Collectors Special Edition XIIIV of Online™ that comes in a solid iron case. When opened, an aluminium hammer, built for both strength and lightness, would swing onto a real World of Warcraft, Aion and Hello Kitty Online CD, smashing them to bits.

It's Out Of The Box

A screenshot of how out of the box Online™ is.

Developers now a days are so afraid of the ESRB. I ask you all, why should we? So, we have decided to include whatever we thought would be cool in a game, in total disregard of the ESRB.

In fact, we have decided to go a step further just to spite them. How so would you ask? The ESRB and media has since been against violence, and shows of side and under-boob.

We have decided that as adults, they should talk about more important things in life.

We have made the game as violent as we could, with a blend of realism and fantasy. You will lift your finger realistically, and your opponents would just explode into a shower of blood and gibs. Is that it, you might ask. Why of course not, we have not attained our reputation of doing "That's it" things... we go all the way.

The gibs would further explode into more blood and gibs. You can expect, with a lift of a finger, a cacophony of screams and explosions that would last as long as you want it to.

Yes, we place the control in your hands.

Why bicker amongst each other for a sliver of boob, when they should do so for the whole thing?

Online™ will have boobs. And Ass. In fact, one of the NPCs would be just a pair of boobs stuck on an ass. We are that commited to bring you exactly what you want.

It's Giving

Expact gifts in all shapes and sizes.

Game Design dictates that players should always work for their rewards, as it mimics Real Life. I say, ********. Yes, I said a vulgar world in a presentation. But only, because Online™ breaks all traditions.

Online™ gives and gives. Expect to gain rewards just for attending this presentation. Online™ is just commited to giving and giving, and you will always feel appreciated. I could go on and on about how Online™ keeps giving, but I would leave you to experience how Online™ does it, as it is a personal experience.

It's Personal

Not limiting anymore.

In any MMO, one has to share his or her space with everyone else. Why so we thought? Technical limitations of course. Well, we have reached the pinnicle of technical advancement today, as we would like to present player instancing.

Every player will have his own instance from the start of the game. He will not see random strangers wandering around in his space, because in Online™ , we feel that you should have your own space, and do with it as you see fit. No more random intruders. No more cheaters. No more botters. Just you, having your own unique and personal Online™ experience.

It's Affordable

Use these more constructively!

Have you ever thought to yourself, "I wish there was a game that I could pay for?" Well, guess what? We thought of that ourselves as well. As extremely rich individuals, we need a game that when we pay for, allows us to feel it is a worthy investment. So, with that in mind, we have design a comprehensive package plan for the game.

Allowing you to pay for only the time you play, we have decided to charge $1.34 per second. That way, you can rest assured that you pay for only the time you play. No more "wasted money" on unspent time paying monthly.

The End

Well, that ends my presentation on Online™, which should be launching soon in your respecitive territories with a localized version. Truely, a personalized experience.

This is just a parody of the year 2009 and the whole concept of a "killer" game that would dominate the competition, as I well, had some spare time to kill. No pun intended. Regardless, hope you enjoyed this small article.