CyberLove

My sweet love.

How can I start to explain what I feel about you if I can’t ignore what the people think about how I feel? They say that I’m a boy that never grew up, that it’s just a silly illusion. Who gave them the right to decide what I feel?

I learned at an early age that love was being there for the person you love no matter what. You have been there for me when I was down, when I threw my hopes out the window and gave up on life. You picked me up and talked me through it; day after day you have been there for me.

More than just two desperate strangers that met on chat room, we collaborate inside the game and learn more about each other every day. I have learned to love you through every word, through every thought.

I can’t sleep if you didn’t login into the game as usual and you didn’t reply my messages. I worry about you more than you can ever imagine. Because I don’t know what I would do if something happened to you, who would I call? How would I help you?

Here I sit looking at the screen, typing away what I feel about you in the keyboard. I knew there was somewhere out there only for me, someone that I could trust, someone that I could laugh and cry with, someone I would wish to grow old with. I will never find someone like you, ten years I searched for you and I had to find you living in the wrong country, in the wrong area code, in the wrong city.

“Love is not typing in the keyboard and sending her pictures” They say, and I couldn’t disagree more. This is not a simulation of love, this is not a game. What is love? Didn’t people used to fall in love through love letters? Isn’t communication the very foundation of love? I know that like everybody we need to be touched, caressed and embraced. Well if love was to hug I would hug you, if love was to go to the movies with you I would take you, if love was to kiss you I would kiss you, if love was to be there for you I would stand by your side until the end of days.

Where is your heart? Mine is not in my room, not in my clothes, not in my shoes, and nowhere in my kitchen either. It’s in my thoughts, in my mind right where that little voice inside my head that I hear when I am thinking. We are not strangers anymore; we have come to know not what we want to hear, but just the cold truth about what we think and where we stand about everything. Because there is nothing we could win on lying to each other, I know things you wouldn’t even tell your siblings and most likely no one will ever know.

I wonder if I could be somewhere near you someday, when you sleep I work, when you work I sleep. When we play together on the weekends who cares about what time it is? It’s “we are together time” that is all that matters.

I don’t fool myself believing we could someday be together, I know you will meet somebody else, someone in your city, and then one day you will tell me that you will get married and never login back again.

I stopped caring about what people think about me a long time ago, living by their standards and expectations only made me understand that the more I try to be accepted the more I don’t want to belong. Because I found my place with you in a dark dungeon on a three dimensional room fighting roaring monsters and enjoying every minute of it.

Anyone can be anybody on the internet but I chose to be myself. Thanks to you I try to become a better version of myself online and offline. I know how hard you have tried to tell me that you love me, and that it’s such a strange thing to feel. I know that I will eventually have to give you away, I’m just scared of saying goodbye.